Tez In Denver

A disturbance in the Force

I am an empath. I was born an empath. For as long as I can remember, I've had the ability to feel other people.

Whenever there is some sort of humanitarian disaster, I feel it... REALLY feel it!

During the 1989 student protests in Tiananmen Square China, I watched every moment on television and cried for days. I still can't listen to "China" by Joan Baez without tearing up. I can feel my throat tightening just reading the lyrics (below). The images are vividly burned into my memory. 

In the month of June, in the darkness of the moon
Went the descendants of a hundred flowers
And time may never tell how many of them fell
Like the petals of a rose in some satanic shower
Everyone was weeping in all of China
And Tiananmen Square

And even the moon on the fourth day of June
Hid her face and did not see
Black sun rising over Tiananmen Square

And Wang Wei Lin, you remember him
All alone he stood before the tanks
A shadow of forgotten ancestors in Tiananmen Square

And my blue-eyed son, you had no one
You could call a hero of your age
You have the rainbow warriors of Tiananmen Square, singing
China Shall Be Free

So many other disasters have emotionally overwhelmed me: the 1993 fire at the Mount Carmel compound in Waco, Texas; the genocide in Rwanda in 1994; the attack on the World Trade Center in 2001; the Indian Ocean tsunami in 2004; Hurricane Katrina in 2005; the 2008 earthquake in Sichuan Province, China; the genocide in Darfur, and now the earthquake in Haiti. Human rights abuses seem to have the most profound affect on me.

Not only do I feel the pain and horror in my head and my heart, I feel it in my body. Flares up my fibromyalgia.

"There's a great disturbance in the Force," my husband will say.

I'll be glued to the TV, watching every miserable detail, waiting for updated reports. This isn't because I have some sort of morbid fascination with disaster. It helps me make some sort of sense of what I'm feeling.

My astrologer confirmed this at our first session. She told me that seeing people suffering is very hard for me; that I feel their suffering in every part of my being. She was spot on!

It's a challenge to keep this in perspective. I can so easily sink into the suffering, so overwhelmed that I feel as though I'm drowning in it. I have to recognize that my job in this life is to feel the pain but not own it. While the news crews are recording the events, I am recording the pain and sorrow. I hold it like a chalice, offering it up to the Divine, releasing it to Heaven.

Are you an empath? Read 7 Signs You're an Empath by Isabella Snow.

The words will come...

I know I haven't posted anything for awhile. It's not because I haven't been contemplating or feeling my connection to the Divine,  but because I haven't had the words. Sure, I could give you more advice, more techniques, for something or other mystical or magical, but that's not what feels right to write. I need to write something deeper and with more substance. It's hard to put words to something that has no substance. I know the words will come in their own time, when the time is right.

I just hope I'm ready.

How I Cleanse and Charge a Pendulum

I've been preparing to fully re-enter the world of energy work. My favorite tool is a pendulum. For the work I will be doing, nothing I already had felt quite right. So I headed down to my favorite metaphysical store to see what they had on hand. The trip worked out well for the shop because I ended up purchasing two: one is made from green flourite , good for healing; the other is a copper spiral good for everything else. Now, for cleansing and charging these new tools.

First cleansed the pendulum by setting it in the sun outside or in a window, or until it felt light and clear. The sun has the wonderful ability to cleanse and purify most any object. If I ever buy a piece of jewelry at a thrift store, pawn shop or antique store and I want to make sure any negative energy is removed, I always set it in the sun for a day or so.

Since one of these pendulums will be used for intensive healing work, I took them both to church with me this morning and dipped them in holy water. Water has cleansing powers; holy water also has charging powers.

This afternoon I lit a stick of incense (I prefer sandalwood or frankincense) and passed the pendulum through the smoke 3 sets of 3 passes (9 times total). I visualize any residual negative energy going "up in smoke." Now my pendulum is cleansed and blessed and ready to be fully charged.

To charge it, I hold the pendulum in my left hand close to my heart and say a quiet prayer. Sometimes I pray for guidance, peace or healing. Usually I simply pray that I can be an instrument of the Divine, trusting that I will get whatever I need. Then I visualize golden light streaming into the pendulum, filling it with Divine Love. I sit with the pendulum and meditate or pray for a few minutes more until the pendulum releases me. This release may feel like a vibration, a relaxation, or I may hear a tone. Now the pendulum is fully charged and ready to use.

I like to keep my pendulum in a special little bag next to my bed. If it's a new object, I'll carry it with me, put it in my pocket or hold it in my hand. I like to really get the feel of it before I use it. I'll meditate with it, listening for it's voice.

This process can be repeated, especially after an intense session. Cleansing and charging is good to do with crystals, pendants, jewelry or other ritual objects you may work with.

A Prayer for Peace of Mind

FORTIFY me with the grace of Your Holy Spirit and give Your peace to my soul that I may be free from all needless anxiety, solicitude and worry. Help me to desire always that which is pleasing and acceptable to You so that Your will may be my will.  -- Saint Francis Xavier Cabrini

What does "peace of mind" mean? Does it have the same meaning for everyone? How does one achieve peace of mind?

For me to find peace of mind I have to stop searching for it. Peace of mind is within me. Peace of mind is not an achievement. It is a state of being, an experience.

Now and then I see a glimmer of it, fleeting and transient, still and tranquil,  just enough to make me want it more. But the wanting keeps me unsatisfied and out of the moment. Wanting creates distance between me and my self. Wanting peace keeps me from having peace. Wanting is an expression of my will, not Thy will. Peace of mind comes from surrendering to the will of the Divine.

A a Type A woman, surrender does not come naturally to me. Something I must keep working on. Remember that the fleeting moments of peace and serenity are glimpses into what is possible. 

...that Your will may be my will.

Duality of fibromyalgia

Fibromyalgia reminds me of the duality of being. I am a spiritual being having a physical experience, not a physical being having a spiritual experience.

The chronic pain of fibro makes you want to leave your body or at least ignore your body. At the same time, the pain is nearly impossible to ignore.

How do you balance the two and remain whole?