Tez In Denver

Shower away pain

I want to share a visualization I've used for years that helps me when I'm in pain or just need a bit of clearing. Warning: this may not be good if you're fanatical about conserving water. Although I love water, I'm not really a bath person, unless it's a hot tub. I really prefer showers. So this exercise is designed for the shower.

While you're in the shower, take a moment to close your eyes and feel the water running down your body from the top of your head to your toes. Now visualize the water running through your body, again from the top of your head all the way down to your toes. Feel the water pouring out of your fingers and toes. As it runs through your body, see it gently washing away any pain, toxins, or negativity that may be in your body. The water runs down the drain and into Mother Earth, carrying the gunk from your body with it. Relax and enjoy the feeling of being cleansed from the inside out. Take a deep breath and let it out with a sigh. Before you finish your shower, thank the blessed element of water for washing away your pain. Then thank your body for everything it does for you every day.

When I do this exercise, whatever I'm cleansing may look different from time to time. Sometimes it looks like sludge, or crystals of dirt, or globs of gunk. It might just be a dark brown or grayish color washing out of me. This can be particularly powerful if you're going through some other kind of cleansing or fasting.

It could always be worse

This evening I was hanging out talking with my friend Kevin, the disability coordinator for NORML (National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws). Kevin was a special forces medic in the army for 14 years. While he was serving in Iraq, he lost both legs in an explosion. He also suffered some brain damage and severe injury to his spine. He's in a wheelchair. He's in constant searing pain.

I asked him how he was feeling tonight. He just got a brand new electric wheelchair, which is great, but he sits in it a little differently, so he's in quite a bit more pain. It still needs some breaking in, he told me.

He's also been doing more work on the computer, so his shoulder is bothering him. He just saw his doc today who increased his pain meds higher than he would like. Yes, he has to use both opiates and medical marijuana just to keep the pain at a manageable level.

When I see Keven, I always gently stroke his back a little, but never too hard. I try to be mindful of his pain, wanting to never make it any worse. (I watched him cringe once when someone walked by and gave him a friendly slap on the back.)

Kevin could be angry, depressed, or moody. He could sit around whining and complaining about the hand that God dealt him and how unfair it is. And who could blame him? I mean, he's got it pretty bad. Maybe he indulges in pity in private, but I've never seen him like that. In fact, he told me that he spent 2 years in the hospital with guys much worse off than he was.

"It could always be worse," he said. "When I'm having a bad day, I just remember the other guys I saw. No matter what, it could always be worse."

Lord, when I think my life is unfair, when I'm in pain or having a bad day, give me the strength and the will to remember how fortunate I am and that no matter what, it could always be worse.

Duality of fibromyalgia

Fibromyalgia reminds me of the duality of being. I am a spiritual being having a physical experience, not a physical being having a spiritual experience.

The chronic pain of fibro makes you want to leave your body or at least ignore your body. At the same time, the pain is nearly impossible to ignore.

How do you balance the two and remain whole?

Paying the price for a great weekend

I'm hurting today. My fibromyalgia is flared up. I had a busy weekend and got quite a bit done, but I'm paying for it today. That's usually the way it goes. I have to pick and choose what I do and decide if it's worth suffering for.

Last week was Greg's birthday. Got him a new HDTV set up. He was so excited. All weekend he was so happy with his gift. It makes me happy to see him happy. It meant moving some things around: furniture, wires, etc. I'm strong enough, so alone, this probably wouldn't have been a big deal, but in combination with other things, it hurts.

The weather has been unstable the last few days. Cool and rainy Saturday evening and Sunday. I tend to be sensitive to weather changes, so spring is tough on my body. But I'm so excited about my garden that we started working on preparing the soil Saturday. My first real day for yard work of the year. Knew that was going to hurt.

Yesterday, being Easter, was a family day: grocery shopping in the morning, big dinner to prepare, grandsons visiting. By the time they left I was about out of gas. But it was fun to have everyone here, as always, so worth the price I'm paying today.

I knew it was gonna be rough today, but the weekend was great! Worth the pain. That's the key: deciding what's worth hurting over. Some things are; some things aren't. This weekend definitely was.

Two tips for Tim

I just left a comment on Newsvine for a guy struggling with fibromyalgia. Here are two tips I've found helpful that I thought I'd share here as well.

Wiggling Awake: I know how awful it is to wake up and feel pain first thing. Not a great way to start the day. It's tough to look forward to the day when it starts with pain. On particularly bad mornings I wiggle myself awake, something one of my therapists suggested many years ago. I start with a foot, just wiggling it gently back and forth. Then move up my leg, then the other foot, and so on, until I'm gently rocking my body back and forth. Sometimes this can take a few minutes, other times it can take an hour, but it seems to help get me moving better.

My Extra Brain: For dealing with fibro fog (or just plain forgetfulness), I use a technique suggested by a professional organizer. I carry a little spiral notebook everywhere I go. It's always in my purse, or on my desk, or in my pocket. Wherever I go, it goes too. I write absolutely everything in it. Notes from phone calls or messages. Quotes I want to remember. Phone numbers and addresses. Ideas for projects. Tasks and to-do lists. I tape business cards in there. I rarely use sticky notes or scratch paper anymore. With my book I know exactly where everything is. I don't have to go searching for "that little piece of paper with that phone number on it." My husband calls it my brain.

Amendment 48 is Bad Medicine

Is health insurance killing us?

The Onion: Man Succumbs To 7-Year Battle With Health Insurance

September 22, 2008

DENVER—After years of battling crippling premiums and agonizing deductibles, local resident Michael Haige finally succumbed this week to the health insurance policy that had ravaged his adult life.

Haige, who had suffered from limited medical coverage for nearly a decade, passed away early Monday morning. According to sources, the 46-year-old was laid to rest at Fairplains cemetery, surrounded by friends, family members, and more than $300,000 of mounting debt.

"I miss Michael every single day, but at least he can finally rest now," said Sheila Haige, who watched as insurance rates ate away at her husband over time. "What Michael went through, the humiliating forms, the invasive background checks, the complete loss of dignity and hope—I wouldn't wish that kind of torture on anyone."

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