Tez In Denver

A disturbance in the Force

I am an empath. I was born an empath. For as long as I can remember, I've had the ability to feel other people.

Whenever there is some sort of humanitarian disaster, I feel it... REALLY feel it!

During the 1989 student protests in Tiananmen Square China, I watched every moment on television and cried for days. I still can't listen to "China" by Joan Baez without tearing up. I can feel my throat tightening just reading the lyrics (below). The images are vividly burned into my memory. 

In the month of June, in the darkness of the moon
Went the descendants of a hundred flowers
And time may never tell how many of them fell
Like the petals of a rose in some satanic shower
Everyone was weeping in all of China
And Tiananmen Square

And even the moon on the fourth day of June
Hid her face and did not see
Black sun rising over Tiananmen Square

And Wang Wei Lin, you remember him
All alone he stood before the tanks
A shadow of forgotten ancestors in Tiananmen Square

And my blue-eyed son, you had no one
You could call a hero of your age
You have the rainbow warriors of Tiananmen Square, singing
China Shall Be Free

So many other disasters have emotionally overwhelmed me: the 1993 fire at the Mount Carmel compound in Waco, Texas; the genocide in Rwanda in 1994; the attack on the World Trade Center in 2001; the Indian Ocean tsunami in 2004; Hurricane Katrina in 2005; the 2008 earthquake in Sichuan Province, China; the genocide in Darfur, and now the earthquake in Haiti. Human rights abuses seem to have the most profound affect on me.

Not only do I feel the pain and horror in my head and my heart, I feel it in my body. Flares up my fibromyalgia.

"There's a great disturbance in the Force," my husband will say.

I'll be glued to the TV, watching every miserable detail, waiting for updated reports. This isn't because I have some sort of morbid fascination with disaster. It helps me make some sort of sense of what I'm feeling.

My astrologer confirmed this at our first session. She told me that seeing people suffering is very hard for me; that I feel their suffering in every part of my being. She was spot on!

It's a challenge to keep this in perspective. I can so easily sink into the suffering, so overwhelmed that I feel as though I'm drowning in it. I have to recognize that my job in this life is to feel the pain but not own it. While the news crews are recording the events, I am recording the pain and sorrow. I hold it like a chalice, offering it up to the Divine, releasing it to Heaven.

Are you an empath? Read 7 Signs You're an Empath by Isabella Snow.

The words will come...

I know I haven't posted anything for awhile. It's not because I haven't been contemplating or feeling my connection to the Divine,  but because I haven't had the words. Sure, I could give you more advice, more techniques, for something or other mystical or magical, but that's not what feels right to write. I need to write something deeper and with more substance. It's hard to put words to something that has no substance. I know the words will come in their own time, when the time is right.

I just hope I'm ready.

Shower away pain

I want to share a visualization I've used for years that helps me when I'm in pain or just need a bit of clearing. Warning: this may not be good if you're fanatical about conserving water. Although I love water, I'm not really a bath person, unless it's a hot tub. I really prefer showers. So this exercise is designed for the shower.

While you're in the shower, take a moment to close your eyes and feel the water running down your body from the top of your head to your toes. Now visualize the water running through your body, again from the top of your head all the way down to your toes. Feel the water pouring out of your fingers and toes. As it runs through your body, see it gently washing away any pain, toxins, or negativity that may be in your body. The water runs down the drain and into Mother Earth, carrying the gunk from your body with it. Relax and enjoy the feeling of being cleansed from the inside out. Take a deep breath and let it out with a sigh. Before you finish your shower, thank the blessed element of water for washing away your pain. Then thank your body for everything it does for you every day.

When I do this exercise, whatever I'm cleansing may look different from time to time. Sometimes it looks like sludge, or crystals of dirt, or globs of gunk. It might just be a dark brown or grayish color washing out of me. This can be particularly powerful if you're going through some other kind of cleansing or fasting.

It could always be worse

This evening I was hanging out talking with my friend Kevin, the disability coordinator for NORML (National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws). Kevin was a special forces medic in the army for 14 years. While he was serving in Iraq, he lost both legs in an explosion. He also suffered some brain damage and severe injury to his spine. He's in a wheelchair. He's in constant searing pain.

I asked him how he was feeling tonight. He just got a brand new electric wheelchair, which is great, but he sits in it a little differently, so he's in quite a bit more pain. It still needs some breaking in, he told me.

He's also been doing more work on the computer, so his shoulder is bothering him. He just saw his doc today who increased his pain meds higher than he would like. Yes, he has to use both opiates and medical marijuana just to keep the pain at a manageable level.

When I see Keven, I always gently stroke his back a little, but never too hard. I try to be mindful of his pain, wanting to never make it any worse. (I watched him cringe once when someone walked by and gave him a friendly slap on the back.)

Kevin could be angry, depressed, or moody. He could sit around whining and complaining about the hand that God dealt him and how unfair it is. And who could blame him? I mean, he's got it pretty bad. Maybe he indulges in pity in private, but I've never seen him like that. In fact, he told me that he spent 2 years in the hospital with guys much worse off than he was.

"It could always be worse," he said. "When I'm having a bad day, I just remember the other guys I saw. No matter what, it could always be worse."

Lord, when I think my life is unfair, when I'm in pain or having a bad day, give me the strength and the will to remember how fortunate I am and that no matter what, it could always be worse.

Celebrate Beltane April 30-May 1

I remember making pastel-colored May baskets with my mom when I was in a little girl. We'd fill them with candy and other treats, then I'd deliver them to my friends in the neighborhood. I didn't know why I was doing that, and I doubt if my mom did either. All I knew was that it was May Day. But it was fun, almost like a second Easter. When I got older I found out what May Day, or Beltane, was all about. Let me tell you... it's still fun!

Beltane is the last of the three spring fertility festivals, the others being Imbolc and Ostara. Beltane is the second principal Celtic festival (the other being Samhain). Celebrated approximately halfway between Vernal (spring) equinox and the midsummer (Summer Solstice). Beltane traditionally marked the arrival if summer in ancient times.

At Beltane the Pleiades star cluster rises just before sunrise on the morning horizon, whereas winter (Samhain) begins when the Pleiades rises at sunset. The Pleiades is a cluster of seven closely placed stars, the seven sisters, in the constellation of Taurus, near his shoulder. When looking for the Pleiades with the naked eye, remember it looks like a tiny dipper-shaped pattern of six moderately bright stars (the seventh can be seen on very dark nights) in the constellation of Taurus. It stands very low in the east-northeast sky for just a few minutes before sunrise.

Beltane, and its counterpart Samhain, divide the year into its two primary seasons, winter (Dark Part) and summer (Light Part). As Samhain is about honoring Death, Beltane, its counter part, is about honoring Life. It is the time when the sun is fully released from his bondage of winter and able to rule over summer and life once again.

Beltane, like Samhain, is a time of "no time" when the veils between the two worlds are at their thinnest. No time is when the two worlds intermingle and unite and the magic abounds! It is the time when the Faeries return from their winter respite, carefree and full of faery mischief and faery delight. On the night before Beltane, in times past, folks would place rowan branches at their windows and doors for protection, many otherworldly occurrences could transpire during this time of "no time". Traditionally on the Isle of Man, the youngest member of the family gathers primroses on the eve before Beltane and throws the flowers at the door of the home for protection. In Ireland it is believed that food left over from May Eve must not be eaten, but rather buried or left as an offering to the faery instead. Much like the tradition of leaving of whatever is not harvested from the fields on Samhain, food on the time of no time is treated with great care.

 Beltane marks the passage into the growing season, the immediate rousing of the earth from her gently awakening slumber, a time when the pleasures of the earth and self are fully awakened. It signals a time when the bounty of the earth will once again be had. May is a time when flowers bloom, trees are green and life has again returned from the barren landscape of winter, to the hope of bountiful harvests, not too far away, and the lighthearted bliss that only summer can bring.

Celebration includes frolicking throughout the countryside, maypole dancing, leaping over fires to ensure fertility, circling the fire three times (sun-wise) for good luck in the coming year, athletic tournaments feasting, music, drinking, children collecting the May: gathering flowers. children gathering flowers, hobby horses, May birching and folks go a maying". Flowers, flower wreaths and garlands are typical decorations for this holiday, as well as ribbons and streamers. Flowers are a crucial symbol of Beltane, they signal the victory of Summer over Winter and the blossoming of sensuality in all of nature and the bounty it will bring.

The excitement and beauty of Beltane can not be better expressed than through the gaiety and joy of our children. There is not doubt "spring fever" hits at Beltane, and hits hard. Children are full of unbridled energy charged up and ready to go! Children always amplify the seasonal energies and the thrill of their change, they bring richness and merriment wherever they go.

It is the child's unrestrained expression of bliss and delight that is what Beltane is all about. It is the sheer joy of running through fields, picking flowers, rapturing in the sunlight, delighting in the fragrance of spring, dancing in the fresh dew covered grass. Our children guide us through the natural abandonment of our adult sensibilities and show us how to take grand pleasure, warmth and bliss from the gift of Beltane.

Blessed Beltane to you and yours!

Excerpted from Beltane -- Holiday Details and History by Christina Aubin

There's so much more to read about Beltane...